Tatami mat, ceiling and cutting carrot

One day I had a short nap after my routine housekeeping. I laid on Tatami mat directly without Futon, closed my eyes and fell asleep approximately 10-15min. When I awoke I overlapped with my past memory that when I was a teenager, who has started for making art, and awoke from a short nap on Tatami mat as same as right now. With weird feeling I stayed on Tatami mat and felt past and present at the same time.

Sometime later I sat on Tatami mat again in the same room. I was blankly gazing a copy of movie flyer on the small desk in front of me. I don't know how his flyer came, maybe my son Sosuke took it some day and left it there. Then I found a word 'Future' in the title of the movie.
I read the flyer carefully but there was no extra information except the movie is about future.
Nevertheless, I would have future for myself, too. It had reality. Maybe because of Tatami. Some days ago I felt past and present at the same time on Tatami. Tatami connected me also to future
as if I was on a time travel machine, even though the 'future' I saw was just a word.

Some days later I'd got a message from my sister that Sosuke talked about the ceiling of the Tatami mat room with her that it looks quite similar to the ceiling of Tatami room in my parents house (which I grew up). My sister said, Sosuke explained which and which pattern is looks alike.
I wonder if the looks-similar ceiling made me remain my teenager memory when I awoke?

I don't remember how the wood patterns looked on the ceiling but I do remember there were some (ordinary) lines between wooden panel and panel.
I painted those lines on my canvas. Later I added a carrot between the lines. I am cutting a carrot. When I cut a carrot I don't know what/where I look at.



tatami and ceiling.jpg

My Holland

I think I made some closeness by my paintings. The distance is replaced to colors, and the colors became a manner of the paintings. That is one of reasons why my paintings are so big, I guess. The closeness made me feel as if I am selfless servicing for paints/paintings.

The distance that I said is not about between me and some exterior matters somewhere around me. (The distance of the exterior matters are basically between me and the canvas. About the studio, the floor also becomes the matter.) "The distance" is between me and some inner location which is placed by paints. That is a discovery.  The discovery comes in the end, and it becomes the title of the painting.  And the work is finished.

After I moved to Holland, I had difficulty of thinking. Thinking with different languages, a different manner and a different way of looking. And living with a different name. Things around me were messy and the answers are always more than one and hard to make one single choice.

During this difficult term, I've started to have some thoughts about "wearing". I felt something when I withdraw some items from the closet one by one. When I grab something at the showcase-window.  That is not about fashion but an improvisational contact to the world. It is happened in the dark. And it is difficult to find the distance because it is an action like, 'leap before you look'. Like making drawings.

After years of life in Holland I moved back to Japan. Funnily I wasn't aware of I miss Holland or not until my friend asked me.  But in winter. When the air becomes colder and colder, and/or the rainy days continues and continues, my body already knew it. I was feeling like I was wearing the air of Holland.

I wrote about it to him and said "I do miss Holland".  But with joy because that is my song.


graffiti, Sosuke



I was talking with (mainly listening to) friends who I saw at Rijksakademie Open 2015 after Nickel van Duijvenboden's drumming performance. Friends were all artists but at the moment they were talking about teaching, their part-time job at an art school.

I was carefully listening to them because I like artists. I am so interested in what they talk to.
Someone could say that artist's conversation are not precise. That's right. Also misunderstanding often. Even though the words works as itself. Sometimes artists can receive "the words" from the other artists without any contexts. And then you must think about "the words" that you received, for long time after that. At least I do like that.
I wrote a drawing about the moment of the talking on the pictures of animal caretakers. Then I found that maybe "the words" that I said, is something about friendship.

postscript- Later I found that the place that we met was 'Manage'. 'Manage' is a studio building that formerly used as Dutch Army's horse stable. I think this special location could also be the inspiration of the drawing.


In this year sometimes, I translate "Aarsman Collectie" that a regular feature of Thursday's Volkskrant's facing pages. And as you see an introduction for a new space in Amsterdam, and another Aarsman's Dutch texts.
That is fun to follow Aarsman's view because not only I feel like I have nothing to write about myself (I do this at least when I feel like so), but also Aarsman's texts always mentions about how you look at photos. That makes me feel like I am not sharing his point of view but we're looking at a same photo. That is fun.



improvised/ like a necklace

I saw a nice performance of Nickel van Duijvenboden at Rijksakademie open 2015. At the storage space on his studio, he played the improvised drums with a pleasure and a poet sang the poem. In the intimate atmosphere the poet sang, "you get the wisdom only when you make a decision..." (also improvised?). He walks around with paying a little of attention for his microphone's code.
Awesome. That is great wisdom that I've ever heard as far back as "let it be".

Future/ Toekomst


My Dutch teacher sent me a small story by Simon Carmiggelt. She (the teacher) made an adaptation of the text for me, which means for Dutch beginners.

That was about small future. I wrote here in English to share the story.


My grandson, six-years-old, came to sleep with us. After watching allowable TV and had fun in the bath, he lied down on the bed with his wet hair and he called us: "Grandpa and Grandma, do you come here?"

We came and sat on the edge of the bed. He asked:

"Are you going to shave tomorrow?"


"If you shave you'd be a little smaller," he said. "How come that old men are so small?"

"They shrink, I guess."

He looked doubtful.

"When I'm eighty, how old are you then?" He asked.

"One hundred thirty-four, but so old we can not be."

He understood it and made a lower bid, "Then if I'm twenty-six?"

"Then we're eighty."

When I said it, I realized that I scared of it.

But he comforted us:

"I will become a machinist, because I know how to collide two trains," he said.

"And you can always ride with me. For a dime. At the station you can say that you are my grandfather. Then it will be allowed. But then you have to bring something nice for me. "

"Chewing gum?" My wife asked.

Because that he loves.

"No, what I like when I'm twenty-six. What do I like then? "

When we couldn't find a good answer soon, he said: "Marrowfat beans would I do like it. That you should put in a hot pan. For on the go ".

We promised it and kissed him for goodnight.

While we stood beside of his bed, he said, with courageous tone:

"If you become very small, huh? I'll take care of you. I am already married. And I buy one child. Because children are so expensive, though. For you I make a shoebox. To live in. That can be if you become so small. I make it a door in, though. And make a hole also for the air. During the holidays you can come in the car. Then I put the shoebox on the shelf in the back seat, next to the cat. Nice, huh? "

"Yes nice."

We turned off the light.

And went back to the living room, two people with a future.


14th March 2014
Yesterday evening we went to an opening of Paulien Oltheten in Stedelijk Museum Amsterdam. With sosuke. When we talked to Paulien, she found a fell down eyelash of Sosuke on his cheek. Paulien and Naro told us about eyelash wish which they do everytime when they find naturally fell down eyelash (nice!). 
After I've back to home, I was thinking of this idea that I like it because the fallen eyelash is so small as if the eyelash is a seed of someone's wish. 

Recent Sosuke


Recent Sosuke really like to stand. He doesn't satisfy anything without standing. Maybe he's already get bored in low-angle life.

He got his first sushi in his life at Daishin's birthday. He likes it. 

We have an old Lufthansa advertise picture in our bedroom. People are coming out from the airplane. Sometimes Sosuke was looking at the picture when I awake.


3rd February 2014


We have much stuff that we don't use it anymore in our house. Thinking about this year's king's day (one day after former queen's day). Where to place our shop.


05, January 2014nothing too late_01.jpg
 nothing too late_02.jpg

'Nothing too late' are the words that Nicoline said to me sometime ago. She didn't say this as something serious or heavy, she just said this as a piece of her short dialogue.    
I made drawings with that words because I was curious about these words. I was not feeling like putting this words directly on the paper because these words are ambiguous. I'd put some potato in between the paper and the words. And then the words has been carved on potato. 



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