Today I biked besides a river. I saw some fishers enjoyed fishing. I have heard that this river is popular for black bass fishing.

Yesterday I saw a photo on the local newspaper. A fisher hang a bit red fish.

fishers faces to the world with thin bar and fine thread alone. And a bait of course. They have no idea what's there in the other side. They receive the answer directly from the other side. looks fun.

I remember I had fishing in my studio. I always have no idea what's comes, always.


Fishing rod(dripped paints, twig made by brushes, headphone, irreversible boomeran, gold colored hook), Personal detachable notebook

mixed media

a friend said about this work that these looks like someone left behind. That's mine maybe.

Drawing Game


When I play this game with Sema and Sosuke, I imagined it is Holland's local children's game.  Days later Marijn told me that it is considered idea from the Surrealists: Cadavre exquis


I had strange feeling when I woke up from a short nap (about 15min) on the tatami mats in my house. I doubly felt the awaking from the nap of my teenage and a nap that I had now. I lay on the tatami after some house hold work and had a nap . I was a high school student and was trying yogi pose with a book that my friend gave me to try. I fell asleep on tatami mat, and I awoke because my body was getting cool. It was strange that that it is a same person that I was and I am on the tatami mats.

Some days later I was on the same tatami room. That was a time after dinner and I was relaxing, hearing the voices that from the next room that my husband and my son were talking each other. I saw a movie flyer on a foldable table in front of me. And found a word with big letters "FUTURE" saying because that was a part of he title of the movie. That made me feeling like the flyer saying ME will have "FUTURE" as well.

I think that the tatami mats connected each small experiences together, about the past, present and future. It is like a tatami time machine.

Some days later I got e-mail from my sister. My sister wrote me the conversation with my son that she had a few days ago. My son told her that the ceiling of the tatami room in my house, looks very close to my mom's house's ceiling that I grew up there. He explained her which patterns and stains looks similar. Yes, it is likely to happen. My mom's house and the house now I live is quite similar especially its parts and details. Both houses built in almost same years, might be built the same (kind of) housing company.

My time travel experience also might be induced that the looks-similar-ceilings that unconsciously gazing when I awoke at my teenage and at now.

The ceiling was made with some printed woody-pattern panels putting next to each other. Unfortunately I don't remember the patterns and the stains like my son does. I remember there's some gaps between the panel and the other panels.
I painted the gaps as lines on my painting at the same time as plane on my painting.
I painted a carrot that crossing lines like I am cutting this carrot.
The future is there with no mercy. But It might be able to access nicely some part of the future if I have right questions.


"When I was struggling at the Rijks, I worked hard to figure out something but it was too much focused on 'answers', I should've visualized the 'questions' also. "

by correspondence with Marijn van Kreij, 2009

My Holland

I was so close to my paintings. The closeness made me feel as if I am selfless servicing for paints/for paintings. I had discovery through making paintings, about my inner places(objects) and its distance. The places(objects) become the motiefs of the paintings and the distance is replaced to colors. That was my work I thought. 

After I moved to Holland, I had enough time and money for making artworks. So I was anytime working and made a lot but it was hard time. Because I made a lot but didn't know what I like. That was exciting to live in the different country, in languages, to know different way of thinking, if you are solid about yourself. If you really get into, shake it, lose it, becoming hard to make a single choice. This I like, but this also looks good... Taking too long to make a decision.  Why it is so clear for you to make paintings on something? Is that no surprise to have furniture in the house? What I am putting through paints? I was always like two person in me.
Now I have an answer for it. I had to show all.

During this difficult time, I had some thoughts about the moment that I wear something. I felt something when I withdraw some items from the drawer, when I grab something in the dark.  It is not about fashion but some way to make a contact with the world. It is difficult to find the distance with it. It is too improvisational to see, it is too close to see if I wore, it is too far from me if I take off to look at.  You must to draw before look at. Like a making drawings.

Sometimes people suggested me why don't you make paintings based on the drawings. For me the drawings that I made are things flaking off from the from my life. They are not fragments but flakes, so it better to be just there.
I used to call "drawings" about small objet that I made before making paintings. Because it made me clear to know what I make on surface. But this drawings are things came after the paintings.

After 11years of life in Holland I moved back to Japan. Funnily I wasn't aware of I miss Holland or not until my friend asked me.  But in winter. When the air becomes colder and colder, and/or the rainy days continues and continues, my body already knew it. I was feeling like I was wearing the air of Holland as if some cloth came out from my skins. I wrote about it to him and said "I do miss Holland".  But maybe I really miss Holland from now.


graffiti by sosuke

maybe it's a friendship


I was talking with (mainly listening to) friends who I saw at Rijksakademie Open 2015 after Nickel van Duijvenboden's drumming performance. Friends were all artists but at the moment they were talking about teaching, their part-time job at an art school.

I was carefully listening to them because I like artists. I am so interested in what they talk to.
Maybe I cannot stop to hear that someone that different with me. So nice.
I don't know they are happy with me but I am happy to hear them including misunderstanding. Anyway I have to think about it for long time, and the time that I spend to think is mine.

improvised / microphone code

I saw a nice performance of Nickel van Duijvenboden at Rijksakademie open 2015. At the storage space on his studio, he played the improvised drums with pleasure and an another resident artist Geo sang. In the intimate atmosphere Geo sang, "you get the wisdom only when you make a decision..". He walks around with paying a little of attention for his microphone's code.

Future/ Toekomst


My Dutch teacher sent me a small story by Simon Carmiggelt. She (the teacher) made an adaptation of the text for me, which means for Dutch beginners.

That was about small future. I wrote here in English to share the story.


My grandson, six-years-old, came to sleep with us. After watching allowable TV and had fun in the bath, he lied down on the bed with his wet hair and he called us: "Grandpa and Grandma, do you come here?"

We came and sat on the edge of the bed. He asked:

"Are you going to shave tomorrow?"


"If you shave you'd be a little smaller," he said. "How come that old men are so small?"

"They shrink, I guess."

He looked doubtful.

"When I'm eighty, how old are you then?" He asked.

"One hundred thirty-four, but so old we can not be."

He understood it and made a lower bid, "Then if I'm twenty-six?"

"Then we're eighty."

When I said it, I realized that I scared of it.

But he comforted us:

"I will become a machinist, because I know how to collide two trains," he said.

"And you can always ride with me. For a dime. At the station you can say that you are my grandfather. Then it will be allowed. But then you have to bring something nice for me. "

"Chewing gum?" My wife asked.

Because that he loves.

"No, what I like when I'm twenty-six. What do I like then? "

When we couldn't find a good answer soon, he said: "Marrowfat beans would I do like it. That you should put in a hot pan. For on the go ".

We promised it and kissed him for goodnight.

While we stood beside of his bed, he said, with courageous tone:

"If you become very small, huh? I'll take care of you. I am already married. And I buy one child. Because children are so expensive, though. For you I make a shoebox. To live in. That can be if you become so small. I make it a door in, though. And make a hole also for the air. During the holidays you can come in the car. Then I put the shoebox on the shelf in the back seat, next to the cat. Nice, huh? "

"Yes nice."

We turned off the light.

And went back to the living room, two people with a future.


14th March 2014
Yesterday evening we went to an opening of Paulien Oltheten in Stedelijk Museum Amsterdam. With sosuke. When we talked to Paulien, she found a fell down eyelash of Sosuke on his cheek. Paulien and Naro told us about eyelash wish which they do everytime when they find naturally fell down eyelash (nice!). 
After I've back to home, I was thinking of this idea that I like it because the fallen eyelash is so small as if the eyelash is a seed of someone's wish. 

Recent Sosuke


Recent Sosuke really like to stand. He doesn't satisfy anything without standing. Maybe he's already get bored in low-angle life.

He got his first sushi in his life at Daishin's birthday. He likes it. 

We have an old Lufthansa advertise picture in our bedroom. People are coming out from the airplane. Sometimes Sosuke was looking at the picture when I awake.


3rd February 2014


We have much stuff that we don't use it anymore in our house. Thinking about this year's king's day (one day after former queen's day). Where to place our shop.



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