My Holland

I was so close to my paintings. The closeness made me feel as if I am selfless servicing for paints/for paintings. I had discovery through making paintings, about my inner places(objects) and its distance. The places(objects) become the motiefs of the paintings and the distance is replaced to colors. That was my work I thought. 

After I moved to Holland, I had enough time and money for making artworks. So I was anytime working and made a lot but it was hard time. Because I made a lot but didn't know what I like. That was exciting to live in the different country, in languages, to know different way of thinking, if you are solid about yourself. If you really get into, shake it, lose it, becoming hard to make a single choice. This I like, but this also looks good... Taking too long to make a decision.  Why it is so clear for you to make paintings on something? Is that no surprise to have furniture in the house? What I am putting through paints? I was always like two person in me.
Now I have an answer for it. I had to show all.

During this difficult time, I had some thoughts about the moment that I wear something. I felt something when I withdraw some items from the drawer, when I grab something in the dark.  It is not about fashion but some way to make a contact with the world. It is difficult to find the distance with it. It is too improvisational to see, it is too close to see if I wore, it is too far from me if I take off to look at.  You must to draw before look at. Like a making drawings.

Sometimes people suggested me why don't you make paintings based on the drawings. For me the drawings that I made are things flaking off from the from my life. They are not fragments but flakes, so it better to be just there.
I used to call "drawings" about small objet that I made before making paintings. Because it made me clear to know what I make on surface. But this drawings are things came after the paintings.

After 11years of life in Holland I moved back to Japan. Funnily I wasn't aware of I miss Holland or not until my friend asked me.  But in winter. When the air becomes colder and colder, and/or the rainy days continues and continues, my body already knew it. I was feeling like I was wearing the air of Holland as if some cloth came out from my skins. I wrote about it to him and said "I do miss Holland".  But maybe I really miss Holland from now.


graffiti by sosuke


このページは、tomokoがMay 7, 2018 3:08 PMに書いたブログ記事です。

ひとつ前のブログ記事は「maybe it's a friendship」です。

次のブログ記事は「Tatami mat, ceiling, making (right) questions and future」です。